you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
whose parrot is this?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
