Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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