So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
