Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
