i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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