she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
