I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
