Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
