she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
