Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
