Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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