And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
