is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
