During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
