Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
