Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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