You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
