I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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