My sheets look like a crime scene.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
