why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
