He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
