Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
