Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
