it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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