yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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