I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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