I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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