awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
