Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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