I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Enjoy the penises
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
