Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
