you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
