I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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