i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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