i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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