Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
