Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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