I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
