If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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