new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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