I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
