i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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