felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
