Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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