and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
