Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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