He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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