I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Randomize
