Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
