I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
