how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
