I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
